I have many people ask me why I decided to foster. My story is a bit unique in the fact that I knew the child beforehand. I had a friend, through church, who had just been granted guardianship of a 14 month old baby. Both baby and mother were living with Bert (short for Roberta). Bert had opened her home to homeless mom (for the sake of the story I will call her Sally) and child (whom I shall call Ann) with the understanding that bio mom Sally would give up the drugs. Sadly Sally could not and Bert got a court order for guardianship and Sally was asked to leave. This left Bert with Ann as well as 2 other boys whom she was caring for. Ann was a little delayed. She was just over a year and not walking or talking. I was a teacher with summers off and wanted to help. So I offered to lend a hand. I took Ann to my home. I lived in a big house with lots of family. At my house she had the freedom to climb, jump (yes even on beds) and move! When she would grunt and point to her juice we would give her the words...juice...I would like juice please. We also taught her simple sign language. It was not long until she was spending nights and full time care of this child was on me. I did not mind at all. We had a connection. Her court appointed guardian knew where she was and was fine with me caring for her 24/7. When school started up I had a friend who had in home childcare so it worked out perfectly. I also took foster parenting classes just in case and became licensed. Fast forward a year and bio dad (I shall call Jim) got out of jail and both got a good lawyer and a place to live. They went to court and got Ann back. This was THE hardest thing for me to do. I had to transition her back to her bio parents. It broke my heart. But somehow I knew this was not the end. Since I was not seen as the enemy her bio parents let me still be a part of her life. I would take her for weekends. Babysit while they worked or just did whatever? I saw her bits and pieces. I tried to support as much as I can. Poverty is not a crime. I would buy shoes and winter coats. Mittens. Boots. Whatever I could to keep my finger on this little girl. She would love to come over. She called me ReeRee. During this time I got married and moved out of state. My family stepped up and filled my shoes. I would try to come home once a month to see her. My relationship with bio parents were great. However it was clear as they moved from place to place they were not stable. I could tell they were back into the drugs. My family would keep me posted as well. Heartbreaking. My husband had fallen in love with her during this time as well. We made the decision to rent out our condo a mile from the ocean and move back into the state. We knew bio parents were spiraling down. We rented a place sight unseen 1/4 mile away from my family. We were living there less than 2 weeks when the police did a raid and removed her. Thankfully when Sally was asked if there was a reliable adult whom could care for Ann she gave them my name. Social worker called me and found out I was already a foster parent. I picked her up and our journey as foster parents began. I picked her up and she had on a dirty t-shirt of her mothers and a pair of swim suit bottoms that were cinched by a hair elastic. She was just shy of 5 years old and weighed 22 pounds. Yes.....22! Ann was elated to move in with us. She begged us not to return home. She would cry herself to sleep for fear she would need to go back. My husband and I promised her that there were people working on her behalf to keep her safe. When kids enter care their bio parents have a year to work their parenting plan and fix the errors which caused the removal. Because Sally and Jim were so severe in order for them to visit Ann they needed a parent aid. This is a person who keeps eyes on the child at all times. They oversee the visit and if at any time it becomes unsafe or the parents are unable to care physically or emotionally the visit ends. The idea is parents slowly work to partially supervised visits to unsupervised visits to over nights to getting the kiddo back. Our bio's never made it to unsupervised visits. Sadly through the whole process there was no consistency with visits or staying out of trouble with the law. I will add that at our 6 months court hearing the judge ordered unsupervised visits. My heart dropped. I was so scared and sad because I knew the parents did not have a change in behavior...they just checked off the boxes to get the list done. Thankfully the day before the unsupervised visits were to start they had a surprise visit from their parole officer and were found with all sorts of stuff. This is where their case really unraveled. They went under ground and it was clear they were not able to sustain sobriety. People think a year and done! Not so. After the year is up there needs to be a trial to terminate rights. In our case the trial was 9 months after the year was up. Various road blocks with red tape and serving the bio parents stalled the process. There was a delay with the trial and then finally the trial. Sad part is neither parent showed up for the trial. So we had the 30 day waiting period for appeal. Another hearing and the judge deemed it finished. She was now a ward of the state and able to be adopted. So here we are. Waiting. Waiting for the paper work. Waiting for the red tape. Our social worker and CASA worker have been FANTASTIC!!! I mean honestly fantastic. I know there are horror stories but in our case I have nothing to complain about. They were amazing! We are waiting for the adoption social worker to visit us and work through the process. We are hopeful that it will be by December. I could write volumes as to what we have learned as a family and in time I hope to but I want to end with this. Loving a child that is not your own unconditionally was the easy part. The hardest part was the looming fear that in the end she would go back. If she went back it would have still been worth it. She would have known what a healthy family looked like. She would have known there were people who loved and cared for her....if only for a year. Thankfully she will not have to leave us. We will be able to adopt. We will become a legal family. That in itself is music to my ears.
2 Comments
10/5/2017 01:33:27 pm
Thank you for sharing the story of fostering with the world. It is truly inspirational!
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10/6/2017 10:52:37 am
This brought a tear to my eye. Foster parents do such a fab and worthy job and I'm so glad Ann got her happy ending. Every child deserves a family that loves them
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